Wet and (Still) Wild
Having kicked E! to the curb (along with the majority of her clothing), Brooke Burke dives into a serious acting careeróand a lot of water, which makes this shoot all the more interesting.
By Dan Bova
Eating lunch with Brooke Burke is like eating lunch with anyone elseóexcept that you are constantly fighting the urge to propose to her every time she opens her mouth. As Brooke sexily (which pretty much applies to anything she does) pokes a fork through the grilled-chicken salad before her, she outlines the decision-making process that led her to dip her perfect-10 body into gallons of water, you canít help but be taken by her incredibly sweet yet devilish demeanor. You also canít help but think that your girlfriend looks like Ralph Malph by comparison.
The famously hot Ms. Burke first caught Americaís collective leer as the host of E!ís Wild On. Sure, we initially tuned in to enjoy the comedy stylings of Art Mann, but after a season or two, we began praying that his segments would end with his being eaten by an alligator so that the rest of the show would be devoted to Brooke doingÖwell, whatever the hell she felt like. And what she felt like doing was ditching E! and moving on to the movies.
Her first film, a horror flick called The Hazing, comes out later this year. Last October, she took to the stage in a Stuff-sponsored play called Pieces (of Ass), in which hot chicks talk about the ups and downs of being hot. She has also bagged a role in the new Ben Stiller flick Dodgeball: The Movie, playing a hot woman whom Vince Vaughn hits on in the supermarket. The thought of Vince preying on our little Brooke both delights and disgusts us. Kind of like the transvestite hooker we picked up on Santa Monica Boulevard a few hours ago. Hey, it gets lonely on business trips!
BROOKE: Itís just the two of us in this romantic booth. Oh, no! [A spider crawls across the table.] I hate spiders.
STUFF: Are you going to be thinking of that spider the whole time weíre here?
I just killed him. I used to not be able to do that. I can face my fears now. I am really proud of that. I have overcome the biggest fear of my life. OK, that is an exaggeration. Iím still really afraid of them. But I can yell and scream and let you write about it, or I can just kill it and deal with it. I had a pet tarantula when I was a kid, so I donít know how it developed. But I spend so much time on my own that there is no one to sort of rescue me from evil spiders. Itís kill him or heíll kill me.
You just finished this dodgeball movie, right?
I play an attractive woman. That was really hard. [Laughs] Vince Vaughn tries to pick me up in a health-food store using these ridiculous pickup lines.
We assume that this happens to you a lot in real life.
It really doesnít. I donít know if itís because Iím not out a lot or that when I am out, I am so focused on what Iím doing [that I donít notice]. People donít approach me or talk to me that much. I wouldnít mind if they did.
Really? Youíre going to need a police escort after that statement.
Itíd be nice if they did.ÖWell, not every second of the day. I do get approached in the grocery store a lot. They usually ask for recipe advice. I donít know what it is about the grocery store. Thatís why I stopped going. [Laughs] I think you can tell a lot about a person by what is in their shopping cart. If someone has a couple of cans of soup and cases of beer, Iíll pass. [Laughs] When I was growing up in Arizona, they had singles night in the grocery store. It sounds really lame, but they would play great music in the aisles.
You started as a model, then became a TV host, and now youíre in the movies. Cindy Crawford tried the same path, and she hasnít won any lifetime-achievement awards.
I think the problem is, you have to set realistic goals. I think if I had the chance to be the lead in a feature film, it might not be the wisest choice. Sometimes you take on too much. I like to take things one step at a time and conquer them.
Has Brooke ever been a crook?
Iíve had some driving experiences. I was driving my friendís car on my birthday on the first day of schooló16 years old, before I had my licenseóand I got pulled over. The cop drove me to school and walked me through the halls for everyone to see. My parents were always understandingóI was punished and humiliated enough at school. I got a bunch of speeding tickets in one year. Iíve slowed down and become calmer as Iíve gotten a little older.
Who do you count among your obsessions?
I was obsessed with Prince in junior high. I loved him. I had a shrine to him in my room. Black lace, posters, everything. When I moved to L.A., he was at a club I was at. I had the opportunity to meet him, but I was so starstruck that I hid under the table. When someone is such a big star to you, to meet them almost takes it all away. I remember seeing him on the dance floor with a lollipop in his mouth surrounded by bodyguards, and I just thought, No, I want to remember you like you were. It can spoil it if you meet someone you admire and theyíre a jerk.
Has that happened to you?
I donít know if I want to go there. Should I open up a can of worms and start a war?
By all means, yes!
Probably the rudest person who ever interviewed me was Howard Stern. He was just boring and rude.
It wasnít original, not researched, the same shit as every interview.
It just sucked. World War III, here we come. [Sighs]
You shot your 2004 calendar right after you had your daughter, and you look amazing. Our baby mamas want to know: How did you do it?
Everyone assumes that I went to my husband, Garth, whoís [a surgeon] on Extreme Makeover, and had a body overhaul. Like I was a man before he got to me.
Thatís not true, is it?
No! Iím just really devoted to working out and staying healthy. I have a workout video coming out this month called Core Secrets. I donít have time to go to the gym. Itís a hassle.
Do guys always ask you to spot them?
Yes. Gyms in L.A. are such a scene.
Which is exactly why I choose not to work out. Are you a fan of your husbandís show?
[Pauses] Thatís a very controversial issue. [Laughs] Iíll try not to bury myself here. I think it is an opportunity for a lot of people to make significant changes.
But do you like the show?
[Long pause] I think reality shows are a guilty pleasure. Itís a strange time in television.
Do you have any womanly advice for all the lonely men in the house?
I think there is a way to every womanís heart. A guy might not be the studliest or the most successful, but I think if heís made of good stuff, there is a way. Confidence, honesty and being romantic go a long way. I was in relationships with men who didnít want to give a compliment. You know, ďOh, you hear that you are pretty all of the time.Ē Or ďPeople tell you that you are sexy.Ē But for a woman, the person she wants to hear it most from is her man. It is great [if thatís] what everyone else is thinking, but what matters is your loved one.
You exude sex all day long at your photo shoots. Is it fun?
I love to be photographed. A lot of celebrities hate it, but I love it. For this Stuff shoot, we were racking our brains to think of how we could top the gold shoot [August 2003], which is my all-time favorite shoot ever published. You look at a lot of menís magazines, and there are some really forced posesóa girl in high heels with a sexy look on her face. For me, personally, and most guys I know, they want a beautiful, sexy girl, but they want to see something that is more organic and believable. So itís tough to think of a concept that feels natural and doesnít make you feel stupid doing it. I mean, I could just throw on a pair of heels and arch my back and pose in front of some metal door, but thatís just not my style.
Way to put down our high-school yearbook photo.
So we came up with this concept of the pool of water. I wanted to do something really sensual, really erotic, without it being about the shoes and the clothes. Iíve never been more wet in my life.
Do you go home screaming for sex?
It depends on how long the day is! After 15 hours, I can be a little tired. The makeup artist owns my body for the day. I have to be oiled and misted. Itís fun, but on a normal day, I just roll around in jeans and a T-shirt.
You donít get oiled up every day?
In my dreams I do.
We have a lot in common.
Itís just fun to live out an erotic fantasy, and this is exactly what this shoot is. My erotic fantasy.
OK, letís end this interview before my head explodes. of her clothing), Brooke Burke dives into a serious acting careeróand a lot of water, which makes this shoot all the more interesting.